June 2015 – Honest + Naked

Yesterday

I ran back

I ran back to the days

When my brothers’ toe heads

Were as white as the mountain snow

We rushed by sled

Our faces dusted in the kiss of cold

And then I sprinted

I sprinted to the warmth of summer

Alongside the river roar

With an unrivaled view

I climbed

Elevated

Where snakes slithered as the prized catch

Mini Irwins on the prowl

The canyon opened itself

As a picturesque backdrop

No apparition existed

This was real, the mountains our backyard

Peacocks and Emus my neighbors

Before I ever plucked an eyebrow

In childhood

I hopscotched

Played hide-and-go seek

Painted snow angels into the white wall

Blanketing the hot tub

Hot-cold-hold-cold-tingly-sensation

Sure living

Until the reflection in the mirror

Did not match up to an idealized image

Her arch so high, so refined

Mine so thick and archaic

Manly

Masculine

Certain I did not fit…

…I pogo-sticked into adolescence

There I found myself the new kid on the block

In a whirlwind of prepubescent odor

Dodge-balling lockers

Fearing the unknown

Sailing the rough loch

Cliff-diving from ancient dwellings

Falling bravely

Plunging

Into my second home:

The water.

Reinvigorated

Until I hit the bottom

Insecure

How would I make my way back up

Towards the air

For a breath

Neck-high in moral dilemmas

Some conquered,

Others floundered — gravely fumbled

Spectators on the sidelines waiting, watching

For those I hurt

I am sorry

If replay permitted me to jump back in,

Catch I would,

Darting to the end-zone for a touchdown

Leading

Like Student Body Officer

Directing spirit weeks

Fulfilling duties galore

Posting the flag upon the shore

I fell in love

And collapsed heart-broken

Losing reelection

Sore

Bouncing back and meandering along,

Witnessing bullies’ injustices

Friends abused

Sleepless night

After sleepless night

All in the name of sacrifice

What though

Das I reached for?

So I drove down to another bend

Where I became the newbie again

And again

And again I drove

And sped

And soared

Across the map

This way and that

Then I crashed

Hard

Into Adulthood

Year in

Year out it took

For me to barely crawl,

Into a feeble walk

Regaining strength,

So I may lift beyond

My PR before the stumble

Moving forward

Skiing the wake

As an optimist

For the run back

Once more

I flew into the heart

Of my soul mate

Who found me in an afterlife

Following centuries of displacement

Sitting

Reflecting

Being ourselves

We caught up

On all the moments we’d missed in sharing

All the kisses

All the cuddles

All of the comforts soul mates share

Lounging in deep affection

With the one who holds my heart

In his hands

In his gaze

Connection

The possibility arose

So fresh, so raw

I might lose him

Once more

Running back once more

To the challenges

Experienced before

Is there not something more

Something free

Something greater meant to be

I Yogi’d my way around to know

Pose after pose

Breath to breath to breath

Let me breathe

Where I see no faces

Only Universal spirits

Floating

Dancing

Mingling

Conspiring

With a gentle stirring

All time bleeds into one

Present

A jewel

Which cannot be ran to

Which cannot be swallowed

Which cannot be fought

Simply

Living

Eternal

Meaning

Now

Six years ago this past weekend, I traveled the country from Salt Lake City, Utah to begin a life adventure with my partner in Birmingham, Alabama. Excitement marked each moment. We took a vast amount of photos to remember the nation’s countryside. I believe we were pulled over three times between the two of us before we even arrived at our first over-night stop in Oklahoma City…

Barely making it to our destination alive / not arrested, we landed at the Aunt’s place for some well-needed R&R. At this juncture in my life, I experienced severe bouts of constipation and as one might imagine, traveling only exacerbated the issue. My mission in OKC: To poop. Over the course of our two night stay, a spaghetti dinner, two coffee-filled mornings, on top of fiber supplement consumption, the victory dance still did not occur. Bound for the road once more, Auntie Gloria, with a blue bird on her shoulder, bid us adieu. Only a short amount of drive-time proved necessary for my internal engine to turn over. I had to go! Picture a subject with her toe on the gas pedal, clenching the steering wheel in a slightly-standing-squeezing-the-butt-cheeks-type-fashion, pleading with the Gods for an exit, while maneuvering in a construction-ridden part of the country — a.k.a. nowhere to pull over. The exit appeared just in time with an appropriate moniker too: KICKAPOO. From the road, the green sign smiled in a sarcastic, universal synchronicity as we pulled off to use the nicest McDonald’s facilities I have ever seen, really.

We were back at it for more windshield romance when the host that is my human body flew into full throttle. My second need to #2 and not an exit in sight, as we traveled down a single-lane Interstate lined narrowly with orange construction cones. Time ticked quickly. The emergency demanded we must act! Now the passenger, I directed my beau to bypass the orange cones. Once parked to the side of the Interstate’s orange stripe, I fled the vehicle and bolted up a hill of excavated road. A couple of steps down and a backwards turn later, I kicked my constipation to the curb. Literally. Sometimes you just gotta go.

I did not know this then, but the word Kickapoo derives from the Algonquin word Kiwegapawa, meaning “he moves about.” Well, I moved that day and continued for six subsequent years: Utah to Alabama, Alabama to Utah, Utah to Florida, Florida to D.C. and somehow back to Utah once again. I think sometimes for the adventurous, young-at-heart, and slightly constipated, the answers lie in Kickapoo.

a space for nurturing authenticity

Month: June 2015

I Ran Back

Kick-a-Poo