I came into this world naked.
You did too.
Then we live this life full of conformity and strife where we are ingrained to disguise ourselves in clothes, to look a certain way… to act, think, be, believe in accordance with particular systems. To not be naked. And yet, it is one of the most natural aspects of being human.
I hold conflict with the societal systems I speak of. I am too Bohemian, but at times, not enough. Let me explain.
My biggest qualm with writing is at what level of honesty shall I hone in? My innermost self yearns to expose it all: every facet of life– the secrets, emotions, pitfalls, and joy which comes with it.. to express genuinely from the depths of my soul. The position feels vulnerable, not to mention, people judge AND hard.
Very rarely have I voiced these specific emotions, if at all.
Until now.
A dear client brought up my blog the other day. I didn’t know he read me. His words were something to the effect of, “You’re good. You’re saying something but it’s like your holding back right at the edge. You’re not fully saying what it is you wish to say…”
Not taking the jump. Holy shit how did he know.
My client hit the target on my emotions with exquisite accuracy. His words landed like a light bulb moment in my personal journey. I will never forget.
“I know your heart Destiny.”
The next day he came to me, divulging he took another look-see at my blog. “You’re gifted Destiny. Not everyone has that gift. And you’ve just stopped. Why?”
Because i became consumed. Consumed with Yoga Teacher Training, homework, work, family deaths…
“But that is when you should have written most.”
How is he so right? Damn it I was not expecting him to hit me in the face with all this.. this.. well honesty. I felt like he saw my soul standing in a universal doorway, naked, shivering, scared and uncertain. Then he said, “To write is like standing naked in front of the world to see,” only to nail me head on again. “And right now,” he continued, “You are standing with your bra and panties on.”
Hell, if we are going to break it down, having stopped writing completely, I stood fully clothed, conforming, lost in inspiration, my voice silenced. Like dying from the inside out. And what is more, I know better! Experiencing so many rounds of recent deaths, I know there is a limited time in this body with this voice. I know I should seize it every day and make the most of what I believe I am on this Earth for but I haven’t. And it hurts. And it feels miserable, like I am shriveling up within. Decaying.
Then this man, who I figured really doesn’t know me much in the scheme of things, saw me for everything I am. Everything I am capable of being when I am brave enough to shed the layers of clothing and conformity and doubt.
“You have a gift to give to the world. And it is when you are most honest with yourself.”
Hello World.
I’m back.
Honest & Naked.