In the past, I thought I might lose any sense of sanity upon turning thirty… as though this number we find ourselves with accurately encompasses who & where we are.
Change seems to encompass my present being though.
I am not the same I once was.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Gratitude is the purest mantra.
Change am I. Flowing more fluidly now, water-like.
I am opening once again to the wonder of the world around us & within my soul.
I understand I know next to nothing in the scheme of this game we play.
I am more willing to learn than ever before. More willing to fall. More willing to be vulnerable. More aware of my internal strength: I own everything I need to support myself. My answers rest deep within the fibers of my physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional being. I am complex. Limitless. I am growing younger by the day as I embrace the softness I receive when surrendering to the present moment. The hardened parts are beginning to break away. I am lighter.
I. Feel. Free. To love me. Because when I love myself, I become less of a selfish bitch. I am okay with the truth in this layer of my being. The more I look at the truths, the more afire I am to create. Breathe cleansing, healing truth in. You are creation.
In the unfolding of the last thirty years, I shed many skins. I give less of a damn about what others think of me. I am authentically saying yes to saying no to the habits & thoughts which no longer serve me. As I say yes, the calluses fade. I feel at ease with what is. I draw boundaries. Less friction. When my intuition tells me to, I wrap myself up in a warm, soft, & silky cocoon of self-nurturing. I withdraw only when ready. I am safe here, within the limits of myself. Grown from years of self-sabotage, I am no longer my antagonist. I am my lover and friend, so enthused about what potential exists in this dawning.
I am not plagued by paralyzing anxiousness. Anxiousness still roams. I chose to shift my focus to gratitude. The practice is one of commitment, requiring a mindful choice every moment. Do I let the unknown or the challenge overcome me in a worked-up, frazzled mess of angst? Or do I slow to take a breath, to contemplate the situation’s weight, realizing no circumstance or person steals my power unless I allow it?
I make more space for listening. I sense a deep connection to my mothers unlike ever before. An understanding. Empathy. The prospect of becoming a parent delights me extensively.
I can do this–
Thirty, I’ve got you.